Thor Smash!

Most of the time, I don't notice exactly how much Thor is growing and maturing. I take it for granted because I see him every day. But boy, now and then something just tweaks my nose and reminds me, "He's not a baby anymore, and you can't keep treating him like one."

Last night on the way home, he had been rambling and babbling about Wall-E for miles. I asked him to stop talking long enough for me to hear a news report on the radio, and he went icy silent. When the report was over, I told him he could start talking again.

He said, "I am not speaking."

I said, "Uh...okay? Why?"

"Because I am not." Arms were crossed, chin was lifted, eyes were narrowed.

I asked, "Why are you not speaking?"

He answered, "Because you wanted to hear the radio."

"Oh! And I chuckled because that was funny to me. He gave me side-eye and turned his head. I asked, "Did I hurt your feelings?"

He turned back to look at me slowly, dramatically, with great calculation and then with flaring nostrils he said, "No. You made me mad."

So part of me wanted to laugh because, trust me, it was funny. And part of me felt bad for having upset him. Another part of me was saying, "But, mother of god, kid, you talk all the time! Those three minutes didn't hurt you." Yet another part of me was already preparing the life lesson to go along with his emotion. The biggest part of me?

The biggest part of me was screaming with anthropological delight, "He has learned to differentiate his emotions! This is an incredible leap in maturity! He can sift and sort, and make sense of the subtle differences between emotional hurt and anger! Some adults can't do that! I am raising an enlightened male!"

What I did was say this: Thor, buddy, I apologize that I made you angry. I always like to talk to you, and I will always make time to listen to you. Sometimes I need to hear other people talking, too. I needed to hear that news report. But most of all, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'll say it differently next time. Okay? (he okayed).

You know what? I am very proud of the way you handled being angry. You weren't mean or nasty, and you explained how you were feeling. Good job! (high fives ensued) Do you understand? (nodding) Awesome. So do you want to talk about racecars now? (and he did.) What kind of racecars do you like?

Before you go thinking this is 100% my parenting style, I should mention that yesterday morning after he had cried and screamed about hating his pants from 6:45--7:10 (I'm talking wailing. Another mother was eyeballing me like I was a candidate for a CPS visit when we walked outside of the house), I snapped and screamed at him to shut his mouth. This is after having tried the above method.

I want him to feel comfortable having emotions and expressing them, but he's also got to get it through his head that there are acceptable ways of doing that.